Shattered Ones
by GirlInHerOwnWorld
Summary: Clockwork Angel in a modern setting: Tessa lives under the guardianship of her older brother Nathaniel. As his drinking and gambling gets worse he takes it out on Tessa, abusing her. After moving to London she makes friends with some unlikely boys. Will becoming apart of their hidden world be her chance at a new life?
1. Prologue

**A/N: This is my first Infernal Devices fanfic so please don't be to harsh on me. If you have tips advice or suggestions let me know. I am also going to make a playlist for this story. The main overall song is: Shattered ~ Trading Yesterday. **

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**WARNING: This story may contain violence, abuse, and sexual references. If any of those things offend you I suggest you don't read.**

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_**Shattered Prologue**_

_Stranger you've followed me so far_

_Until the roads converged, as did the stars_

_Stranger the moon looks blue tonight_

_Your photo framed, raw within my mind, but not toni__ght_

~ Stranger, Katie Costello

**_William Herondale_**

It was my last night in New York and I had just finished dinner with my host family at Taki's. Izzy (my host sister), declared us boring and implied she was going off to attend a scandalous downworlder party much to her brother, Alec's dismay. Her adopted brother Jace had smirked and made a rude comment that earned a scowl from Izzy and a disappointed head shake from Alec. Jace reminded me a lot of myself, sarcastic and rude, yet I could see he was pushing everyone away for what he assumed to be their own good. Just like me.

Alec, Jace and I were walking back to the institute when I heard two people arguing from around the corner. That didn't surprise me. New York, like London, is a big city full of people and you know what they say, cities never sleep. I'm not entirely sure why I started paying attention, perhaps it was so I could be prepared. Although I don't think anything could have prepared me for her.

"What's your problem?" A female voice yelled. "My 'problem' is that you are a slut!" An angry male voice replied. "How can you say that? All he did was ask me to dance." She sounded sad and frustrated. I figured it was a woman and her overprotective boyfriend. "Sureee." He slurred. "Let me drive. You've obviously had too much to drink." She sounded disgusted. I was about to round the corner when I heard a thud. I don't think Alec and Jace did as they were chatting amongst themselves. Suddenly I felt as if I couldn't get around the corner fast enough. I quickened my pace in time to see a car speeding off. I froze.

It wasn't the fact that the driver had sped off dangerously cutting off traffic, but in front of the now empty car space was a girl. She was lying motionless on the ground, curled in a ball. Jace and Alec stopped when they saw her. "Should we see if she is ok?" Alec asked. Slowly I began to walk towards her. I can't explain why, but I was anxious. I knelt down beside her, her eyes were squeezed closed tight and her arms were wrapped around her stomach as if she was hugging herself. "Excuse me Miss, are you ok?" I asked. Relief filled when she opened her eyes and sat up. She looked at me curiously, "I'm ok." She replied softly in a beautiful and almost musical voice. "What happened?" I asked, remembering the argument. "I was running after someone and tripped in these." She said gesturing towards her heels. I took the time to take in her appearance. She was wearing minimal makeup along with a fitted black dress that ended above her knees, with black stockings and a thin cardigan. Around her neck hung a beautiful clockwork angel. I smiled at her, "Ah, heels... I swear they'll be the death of women." She smiled shyly back at me and allowed me to help her up. "A bit of advice," I smirked and leaned in closer to her, "Loose the heels." "You can loose the dress too." Jace added. I elbowed him in the ribs. "Shut up." I whispered as she looked away uncomfortably.

"The names Will," I said holding my hand out, "This is Jace and Alec." I said gesturing to the boys behind me. She shook my hand quickly, "I'm Tessa." She said before dropping my hand like it burned her. She swept her light brown hair away from her face and I found myself staring into a pair of stormy grey eyes that reminded me of Wales and the happier times of my childhood. This unsettled me.

"Well, thank-you." She said before turning around and walking away. "Wait!" I called and grabbed her arm. She flinched and jerked her arm away, eyes wide with fear. I put my hands up, "Sorry, I'm not going to hurt you." After a minute she relaxed, "What do you want?" She asked. "I just wanted to know how you were getting home." "Walking." She replied simply. "In that?" I pointed at her dress, "Alone, in New York?" I asked. "Umm... Yes." She replied quietly. "That's just asking for trouble." I smirked and looked at Jace. "You know what that means?" "Yep, we must walk you home." he replied. At this Tessa's eyes widened, "That won't be necessary." She said quickly. "It would be wrong for us to let you walk alone, unless you wish for us to call you a cab." "I-I'll be fine." She said and began to back away. "Ok then." I replied. She released a breath of relief and walked away. We waited a couple of minutes before we started following her. After walking a block she turned around and glared at us. "I said I can walk myself home!" She snapped. Jace and I looked at each other and smirked.

"A little full of yourself. Who said we were following you?" Jace questioned. "Oh, yeah? And I suppose you just happen to be walking in the same direction?" She replied, voice thick with sarcasm. "As a matter of fact, yes." I grinned at her and she spun around angrily while letting out a frustrated sigh. She went to storm off but wobbled in her heels, almost falling over. I caught her just in time. She stared into my eyes looking surprised, a light blush spread across her face and I couldn't help, but think it made her look more beautiful. "Ooh, Will, she's falling for you already." Jace teased. Tessa blushed deeper and moved away from me. She bent down and jerked her shoes off. She threw them angrily at the wall beside us, cutting off whatever sarcastic remark Jace was about to make. We all stood there staring at her in shock for a moment.

Tessa turned away from us and stormed across the road. I grabbed her shoes and followed her. "Aren't you forgetting something?" I asked holding up her shoes. I don't know why, but I couldn't just let her walk away. She stopped, but didn't turn around. "Not really." She replied wearily, "They were a waste of money anyway." I noticed her tense when she said that, her fists were clenched by her side. She wasn't carefree like most other teenage girls, like Izzy. It was as if the weight of the world was hovering above her waiting to crush her at any moment. I tried to lighten the mood. "Why? Got too many at home?" I joked. "What will it take to get you to leave me alone?" She asked in a strained voice. I thought about it for a moment. I was reluctant to let her go yet I knew nothing positive could come from getting close to her and it wasn't just the fact I was leaving the next day. "Let me call you a cab." I said seriously. "Ok." She replied softly, "But I'll pay for it." I moved closer to her, but she kept her back to me. "With what money?" I asked. She had no purse and no pockets so unless she was hiding money in her bra I couldn't see a way she could pay for it. "My brother will pay for me when I get home." She reassured me. "Ok." I replied and moved towards the curb to hail a cab. Alec and Jace came over to help me. I think Alec was relieved that we would finally be heading home. Once we managed to get a cab we said our goodbyes to Tessa and walked in the opposite direction. Once we rounded the corner I realised I was still holding her shoes. "You guys go ahead; I'll catch up with you." I told the boys as I ran around the corner hoping the cab hadn't taken off yet.

As soon as I made it around the corner I froze for the second time that night. The cab was driving off in the distance, but that wasn't it. It was the fact that Tessa was walking down the street. She left me completely puzzled. I couldn't comprehend why she would lie and not take the cab ride. Did she really enjoy walking alone through the night or was it more than that? I remembered her lying on the ground and the way she flinched when I grabbed her arms, the look of terror in her eyes. I was curious at what was hidden behind that pretty face of hers. Pulling out my stele I marked myself with glamour to keep hidden from mundane eyes and followed her.

It started to rain and yet she still walked liked it didn't affect her. The longer and further we walked the worse the neighbourhood got. It had been an hour and I started to wonder whether she was heading home or just walking around aimlessly. Suddenly she stopped in front of a rundown apartment building. It was covered with graffiti and a majority of the windows were boarded up. The stairwell and apartment entrances were an outside one. She sagged against the railing as if all the strength had left her. I consider going over and helping her even if she couldn't see me, but she started pulling herself up the stairs. After walking up four flights of stairs she walked over to an apartment door. 435 was scrawled across in what looked to be permanent marker. She lifted her hand as if to knock then hesitated. She chewed on her lip nervously before turning and sliding down the wall beside the door. She wrapped her arms around her knees and laid her head on top, so she was facing me.

"Didn't I say I could walk myself home?" She asked tiredly. I looked around to see if she was talking to anyone else, but I was the only one there. "Are you talking to me?" I asked in disbelief. "Who else?" She asked. I looked down at my arm, the glamour was still in place. She shouldn't have been able to see me. I sat down next to her. "Are you apart of the shadow world?" I asked confused. She looked back at me equally confused. "The what?" She asked. "Nothing." I replied quietly, feeling suddenly tired. She shivered, we were both soaking wet. "Why don't you go in?" I asked her. Tessa looked up at me, her big grey eyes filled with fear, pain and terror. "My brother doesn't like to be woken." She whispered. I could feel panic growing in the pit of my stomach. "Is he the one you were arguing with earlier?" I asked. She nodded in return grimacing as she remembered. "What about your parents?" I'd already guessed the answer. "They're gone." She whispered. After a few moments of silenced I couldn't hold back the question that was burning at the end of my tongue. "Tessa?" I said softly, she looked into my eyes. "Yes?" She whispered. "Does your brother hurt you?" I held my breath praying she would answer with a shocked, of course not! Instead she squeezed her eyes shut, a pained expression spreading across her face. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her to my chest. Silently she wept into my shirt as I stroked her hair, wishing desperately there was something, anything I could do for her.

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**A/N: Let me know if you liked it or if there are any recommendations you have. I apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes, I am typing this on my iPad. **


	2. Moving London

**Warning this story contains violence and sexual abuse.**

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**A/N: A massive thank-you to all those who read and reviewed. Your support means everything to me and the more I get the more I want to update.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

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**Moving London**

_It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten_

_What the colour of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them_

_As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping_

_Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten_

~ Saviour, Rise Against

**Tessa Gray**

***Six Months Later***

I wrapped my arms around my torso and shivered in the wind. I glared at the grey clouds that rolled across sky with contempt, it was supposed to be summer. I already missed sunny New York and the warm summer's breeze. After two weeks on a ferry we had reached Southampton and then had spent an hour and a half driving to London. Now we stood in front of our new home on Thames Street. It was a three story, 1880's red brick building. Basically a house built up instead of out. Just one glance you could tell it had been abandoned for a number of years. When our Aunt died three years ago she left the house and the remainder of her money to us. Technically she left it to me, but being a minor and after three years of legal battle, my brother Nate managed to get it in his name until I am eighteen. When my parents died eight years ago Aunt Harriet packed up and moved to New York to raise us, but even though she didn't plan on moving back she couldn't bear to sell the house. When Nate turned eighteen he moved to London, but refused to stay here. I think he was angry when he had to move back and care for me. That's why the minute the house was released to us, we packed up everything that fit in our car and came here.

"See you in ten." Nate said and snapped his phone shut.

"Who was that?" I asked curiously. He glared at me in return and smirked when I flinched. Lately he had been getting more and more aggressive. I hoped that moving here would make him happier, but only time could tell. He knew I was afraid of him and played that to his advantage.

Without answering he walked up to the front door and unlocked it. A cloud of dust floated out and drifted through the wind. There was a thick coat of dust covering everything. Whitish-grey sheets covered all the furniture, making them look like ghostly shapes in the afternoon light. We were looking at a sitting room, at the end of the room was a hallway. Connected to the other side of the sitting room was the kitchen. Walking down the hall there was a guest restroom and the staircase. Going up the cherry wood stairs and to the second story we found a study, the walls were lined with books. I immediately decided this would be my favourite room in the house. Next was the lounge room, I'd noticed that all the rooms had beautiful fireplaces, but from what I could see that was the only source of heating. I shivered as we headed up the stairs to the third floor. There we found the bedrooms. One was larger than the other, although both had an en-suite. Nate called the master bedroom, before heading back down stairs. I lingered, there was a small staircase that probably led to an attic. I was curious.

These stairs were even more narrow and dark than the others. At the top was a small door with strange carvings decorating the doorframe. I traced my finger over the strange swirling patterns. On the old metal doorknob was a strange symbol that looked like a diamond with two lines connected to the top. As I reached my hand towards it, it started to glow an electric blue, almost as if it were alive. Just as I was about to touch it I was pulled out of my trance by the sound of a revving engine. I ran down the stairs and into Nate's room and looked out the window to see a black car idling. I raced down the remainder of the stairs and bolted out the front door to see Nate approaching the car. "Where are you going?" I asked.

He spun around and closed the distance between us. "I am going out with my friends. Is that a problem Theresa?"

"What about the house, it needs cleaning and unpacking." I replied timidly.

"Well I expect you to have that done by the time I get home."

"What? That is too much for one person to do all on their own!" Nate looked at the house for a moment before leaning down towards me.

"I suppose you are right." He allowed and I released a breath of relief. "Just set up my room and clean as much as you can tonight. You can finish the rest tomorrow." I should have known he wouldn't let me off that easy. With that he smirked at got in the car. They tore down the street leaving me in the dust, so to speak.

Something glinted across the road capturing my attention. I gasped in shock to see a large church like building standing where there once were ruins. I was so sure that when we first pulled up here there was nothing, but ruins. Slowly I began to move closer. On top of the thick golden gates words made of twisted gold pronounced it to be the London Institute. _Institute of what? _I wondered. Creeping closer, I reached out to touch the bars. I jerked my hand back as they swung open. They felt real. At that moment a car sped past, I looked until it had turned the corner and when I looked back to the Institute all that stood there were ruins. I rubbed my eyes. The image kept flickering between ruins and beautiful church. This wasn't the first time I had seen things. I wondered which one was real. I pulled the bottle of pills out of my pocket. Nate had given them to me after the first time. I didn't like taking them, they made me feel like I was missing a sense. Like there was something in the corner of my eye, but I couldn't see or hear it. I opened the cap and stared at the pills. I wondered if I took all of them at once would I die? I wished it was that easy. I took one then turned to the building. The Institute faded, leaving behind the true face, the ruins. "Maybe my mind is telling me I need to be committed." I whispered to myself before heading back to the house.

I decided that I would clean the sitting room first before setting up Nate's room. That way I'd have a place to store all the boxes. I started by opening up all the windows and the front door and removing all the dust coverings. The furniture was set out the way I imagine parlours would have been set out. I dusted the cabinets and mantle, etc. I decided I would just vacuum the couch and floor before mopping. Before doing this I decided cleaning would be more fun with music. I dug through my boxes and found my iPod dock. I set all songs on shuffle. The first song to start playing was, Sara Bareilles - King Of Anything. I sung along:

_All my life_

_I've tried_

_To make everybody happy while I_

_Just hurt_

_And hide_

_Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn_

_To decide._

_Oh (oh oh oh)_

_Oh (oh oh oh)_

_Oh (oh oh oh)_

_Oh (oh oh oh)_

_Who cares if you disagree?_

_You are not me._

_Who made you king of anything?_

_So you dare tell me who to be._

_Who died and made you king of anything?_

By the time the song was finished I was done with the vacuum cleaner. I pulled out a box off stuff deciding to decorate and save the mopping til last. I placed a few knickknacks around the room and placed a blanket that Aunt Harriet had crotched over the back of the couch. Next came the family photos. I didn't particularly want to put any up, but I knew the importance of keeping up appearances. It was painful to see the smiling faces of my parents looking at me without a care in world. Not just because they had died a violent death, but because life wasn't happy or safe anymore. The next photo was of Nate and I, our young faces smiling at the camera in innocence. It wasn't long after that photo was taken that Nate first touched me.

_I was thirteen and he was twenty, he had just moved back from London to care for me after Aunt Harriet's death. He came into my room while I was getting ready for bed. He offered to brush my hair. I didn't think anything of it at the time, he was my older loving brother. Although I would never look at him like that again afterwards. It was horrible, I screamed and cried and begged him to stop. He just hit me and continued. By the time he left I was broken and bleeding on the floor. _

Suddenly I hated the girl in the photo. She was happy and innocent, oblivious to the evils under the very same roof. I gripped the photo frame tighter, breaking the glass and cutting my hand. This relieved some of the pain inside, but yet that innocent girl's face mocked me. Screaming to frustration I whirled around and threw it angrily at the wall beside the door. I was breathing heavily with my fist clenched by my side, blood slowly dripping onto the floor, when I noticed two boys standing at the front door looking at me in shock. The first boy had delicate Asian features accompanied by the most unusual silver eyes and hair, in his hand was a cane. Next to him stood a boy with hair as black as ink and eyes as bright as sapphires, he was the face that had haunted my dreams for months. He knew my secret.

"Will?" I whispered.

"Tess." He replied.

And then the world tilted and faded to black…

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**A/N: I hope you liked that. Was it too short? Review and let me know. Btw for updates and photos on what I imagine things to look like follow me on Tumblr kazziebear**


	3. Another Twist In My Life

**A/N: I'm not sure if you guys will like this, let me know. **

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**Another Twist In My Life**

_I do not want to be afraid_

_I do not want to die inside just to breathe in_

_I'm tired of feeling so numb_

_Relief exists I find it when_

_I am cut_

~ Cut, Plumb

**Tessa Gray**

I was falling through a dark oblivion. There was no light and nothing to grab onto, nothing to slow me down. Suddenly as if in slow motion I landed on something soft, slowly sinking into the musty fabric. Voices from floated down from above me.

"How do you know her exactly?" An unfamiliar voice asked someone. There was a sigh and the sound of something being put down. Footsteps came closer and somebody sat beside me.

"We met on my last night in New York." Will replied as he gently brushed the hair off my face. It took everything I had in not to scream out as unwanted images of Nate flashed in my mind.

"You never mentioned her before." The other boy said curiously. There was silence for a moment.

"I never thought I'd see her again." He whispered, there was a desperate undertone to his voice. "I want to help her, but I don't know how."

"What does she need help with?" The other boy asked gently. My heart slammed against my rib cage. **_My God, he's going to tell him! He can't! _**I thought, remembering Nate's threat if anyone were to find out. Fighting the darkness that was holding me down, I broke free and bolted into an upright position startling them both.

My wide eyes flew to Will's sapphire ones, I shook my head slightly. He gave me a confused look, **_Why not? _**

**_Later, _**I gestured.

The silver boy looked confused between us. "Is everything ok?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied quickly. I looked at the silver boy and back at Will with a questioning look.

"Oh." Will stood up, "This is my brother, James Castairs." James held his hand out. I looked between them confused, they didn't look like brothers.

"Call me Jem, everybody does." I stood and shook his hand. It was warm and soft and comforting. This was unusual for me, most men made me feel uncomfortable.

"I'm Tessa." I replied quietly, I was beginning to feel dizzy. I swayed on my feet and Jem helped me over to the couch. He took my hand and looked at the cut.

"Do you have a first aid kit?" He asked, looking at me with concern. I nodded and pointed to the box marked bathroom. Will got up and went to dig through it. A few minutes later he turned around looking triumphant, holding a red box with a white cross on top.

Jem took out what he needed and started working on my hand. I turned away trying to fight the oncoming dizziness. I felt like I was about to have an episode. Usually they were linked to my parent's death. I would get images flood through and my head would feel like it was about to split open from the inside. But this was different, it wasn't my tragic story. It was someone else's. My vision blurred as the images came flashing into my mind.

**_There were two adults tied to a chair calling out to a boy who was tied up in front of them. With a start I recognized it as Jem, without the silver hair and eyes. There was a monster attacking him over and over while his mother desperately screamed out to him. There was nothing she could do to help him._**

With a scream I bolted away from him. Was I really going crazy? My head was beginning ache more, sending shooting pains all over. Both boys were staring at me with wide eyes. Slowly Will walked over to me his hands out in a peaceful gesture. I walk slowly backwards until my leg hit the stairs. Jem was now standing behind Will.

Will gently placed his hands on my arms, the dizziness was coming back stronger now making me sway. The pain in my head grew stronger and my vision blurred. Will was saying something, but I couldn't focus on the words. Through the blur I could see he was scared. I tried to say something to reassure him, but the pain was too much. I could only scream as another flood of images came into my mind. Once again, they weren't mine.

**_There was a young boy in what looked to be a study. I immediately knew who he was, those blue eyes paired with his black hair was hard to miss. It was Will. _**

**_In his hands he held a box with a symbol on top. It was a snake biting its tail to form a circle. Curious, he opened it, having no idea what he was unleashing. A blue monster stood in front of him, demanding revenge for having been looked up for so long. _**

**_At that moment a girl with black hair and blue eyes burst into the room holding a glowing blade. _**

**_"Ella!" Will called out to his sister. The monster faced Will, "Since I can't get Edmund, cursing his son will have to do." It said with a hiss, "William Herondale, I curse you so that anybody who loves you will die. And I'll start with her." The thing said gesturing at Ella._**

**_"Will! Move!" Ella shouted as she attacked it with the strange sword. It shrieked, then slowly started folding in on itself until there was nothing left._**

**_The image faded, replacing it with one of the next morning. People were crying as Will tried to fight his way to the door. As soon as he looked in the room he froze. "NO!" He screamed and dropped to his knees crying._**

**_The image shifted again and he was walking down a long road by himself._**

The pain lessened as the images faded away. I was sitting on the stair gasping for air as if I was suffocating. Will and Jem hovered above me looking concerned and scared. I reached in and pulled out my bottle of pills. Obviously one wasn't enough for me. I tried unscrewing the lid, but my hands were shaking too much.

"What's going on?" Will asked in a strained voice. "Talk to me Tess, please." I stopped trying to open the bottle and looked into his eyes. He genuinely cared and I was so scared. Tears were flowing down my face and I tried to control my breathing.

"I-I think I'm going c-crazy…" I whispered my voice cracking. The tears came faster now as I sobbed. Jem's eyes widened as he reached out to touch them. His fingered came away tinged with red. "I-Its ok," I managed to get out, "it's happened before."

"Can you please explain this to us?" Jem asked worriedly. I nodded my head in return and took a deep breath.

"Sometimes, I have these… episodes." I said slowly, trying to find the right words. "The doctors think it is connected to my PTSD, but they don't really know what causes them."

"PTSD?" Will asked looking confused."

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, when I have my 'episodes' I usually get flashes of my parents death accompanied by head pains and lately bloody tears." I explained in a shaky voice.

"You said usually, I'm assuming today it was something different." said Jem. I nodded and took another deep breath.

"I saw impossible things. Things that couldn't be… and I didn't see myself." I looked at both of them. "I saw things about you." I whispered.

"Tell us." Jem said gently while Will looked pale. I looked at Jem first.

"I saw you, but you were different. Your hair and eyes were dark." I tried to steady my voice. "You were tied up alongside your parents and there was this terrible monster… attacking you over and over… and your mother kept screaming out your name, but she couldn't do anything." Tears were staring to fall again. I watched as, what little colour there was, drained out of Jem's face. Will squeezed his brother's shoulder reassuringly. Then he turned to face me.

"No…" He whispered eyes wide in fear. "No… please no."

"Ella…" I whispered and his face twisted in pain. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"You're not crazy." Jem whispered. "Those things really happened." His voice was strained and I could hear the pain underneath.

"But that's not possible." I said softly, yet even as I said it I knew the truth however unlikely it was. I turned to face Will who was looking at me warily. "What happened to her?" I asked, my voice breaking. He closed his eyes as a silent tear rolled down his cheek, I had my answer. I started to cry again, none of this was fair.

We all had our tragic tales.

The grandfather clock began to ring signalling that it was 8:00pm. Panic began to overtake me. Nate could be home any minute now and I hadn't set up his room. I stood up, pushing past the boys I ran into the sitting room and grabbed the mop and vacuum cleaner. Running back to the stairs I waited for the boys to move out of the way before running up to the third story. The boys followed me up and watched as I cleaned the room. Once that was done I turned to run back down and get his boxes when Will grabbed my arm. On reflex I flinched and he automatically dropped it, but his face stayed blank, carefully wiped of emotion.

"What are doing?" he asked in a flat voice.

"Nate will be mad if I don't have his room set up by the time he comes home." I said trying to keep my voice even. An understanding flashed through his eyes along with a look of helplessness.

"We'll help." Was all he said before heading downstairs with Jem and I trailing. They helped me carry all the bedroom stuff (mine and Nate's), upstairs. We managed to set his room up just in time. I froze when downstairs we heard the slammed shut.

"Tessie! I'm hoooooome!" He slurred. **_Great! _**I thought, **_He's drunk, which most likely means I'll get it tonight. _**My hands started shaking as we headed downstairs. Nate started storming across the room towards me, face twisted in rage and pleasure at what was to come, then froze as he saw the two boys behind me. "Who are they?" He demanded.

"They're our neighbours. They stopped by to welcome us to the neighbourhood then helped me carry some of the heavy boxes upstairs." My voice was shaking by the time I'd finished speaking. Will knew why, but Jem looked lost. As if he could sense something going on here, wasn't too sure what it was.

"I'm Jem, this is my brother Will. It's nice to meet you." Jem said holding out his hand. Nate shook it.

"I'm Nate." Was all he said.

"I am sorry we intruded, we'll be leaving now." Jem said politely. I walked them to the door and shut it softly behind them.

Slowly I turned around to face Nate's wrath. A slow grin spread across his face. "Let's see what you did." He said innocently. I showed him the sitting room then his room. He looked happy, or so I thought until he closed his bedroom door. "I'm going to make sure no boy ever wants you." And with that he pulled out a knife.

"Please don't." I whispered knowing it wouldn't make a difference.

Afterwards he fell asleep leaving me to drag myself out of the room. I hurt everywhere, blood was still flowing from my wounds. Not wanting to sleep in the room next to his, I dragged myself up the staircase to the little door. As I twisted it open I felt a sting sensation on my wrist, but I was too worn down to care. Closing the door behind me I looked around the little room. It was a bedroom, the word 'Tessa' was painted above the bed. This must have been the room Aunt Harriet set-up when she thought we were coming to live here. I dragged myself across the room and into the en-suite. Sitting in the shower I scrubbed myself clean and gave into the tears.

Seeing a razor sitting there I thought about when I had cut my hand earlier on and the short relief that came. With a shaky hand I reached out and grabbed the blade. Slowly I dragged the blade across my wrist and watched in a strange fascination as the blood welled up and ran down my arm. You'd think it was strange that someone who was constantly getting hurt would want to hurt themselves, but it was different when I did it. It gave some control over something in my life. When I was done I pulled myself out and got into my pyjamas before collapsing on my bed.

I let the darkness over take me, falling into my nightmares.

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**A/N: Please review if you liked or if you didn't like tell me why. Do you guys like the songs? And do you guys want the next chapter in Will's POV? **

**Until next time, xox **


	4. Need

**A/N: I sincerly apologise for taking so long. I did try on numerous occassions to write it, but it didn't quite work out. I hope you enjoy it and I apologise for any spelling mistakes.**

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**Need**

_Give a little time to me or burn this out,_

_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_

_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

~ Give Me Love, Ed Sheeran

**Will Herondale**

With a sigh I turned to look at my alarm clock. It was six am. I had been tossing and turing all night, haunted by her face everytime I closed my eyes. I was in shock last night, nobody knew about my past, not even Jem. I was so focused on myself it wasn't until the front door closed that I realised I'd left Tessa in there with a drunk Nate.

I stopped on the stairs, considering going back, until Jem called my name. I felt like there was nothing I could do, but the more I thought about it through the night the more I thought there may be a way, if I can convince Tessa to go along with it.

Deciding that I wasn't going to get any sleep I got up and dressed. I walked out of the Institute and happened to glance across the road, where I saw Tessa. She was walking towards her car. Wanting to talk to her about yesterday I ran across the road.

"Hey, wait up!" I called as I ran across the road. She didn't turn to face me, but did stop with the key hanging out the lock. "I was hoping we could talk."

"I'm really busy, so unless you want to come shopping with me it will have to wait." She said. Her voice was dead, completely devoid of emotion and to be honest that scared me.

"Ok," I said as she breathed out a sigh of relief, "I'll come with you." I smirked as she looked at me in shock, dropping the keys on the ground. I couldn't help myself, I laughed. She snatched the keys up.

"Get in the car then I don't have all day." I could see a faint blush spreading across her face.

* * *

The car ride is silent. I take the time to study her face. Today she is wearing heavy make-up, which seems odd on her. I think she looks more beautiful without it. **_Wait, did I just think she was beautiful?_**I tried not to think like that but I couldn't help it. She really is, her grey eyes and full pink lips, they look so soft. I start to wonder what they would feel like against mine. _**No, stop! These are dangerous thoughts.**_I tried to tell myself. Thankfully we arrived at the shopping centre.

* * *

She was still acting lifeless, barely speaking and it was killing me. on an impulse I ran off and hid behind the corner. Peeking around the side I could see her looking around in suprise.

"Will?" She called. "Where are you?" She started walking over to where I was hiding. I dashed out and tapped her on the arm.

"Tag, you're it!" I called and ran away, hiding in the toy section.

"Seriously!" She called out after me. "How old are you?"

She continued to walk around looking for me. There was ball pen nearby. They were the soft bouncy type. I grabbed a handful and waited until her back was facing me. I threw one at her and quickly hid again. "Will!" I heard her call out annoyed. I ran out from another aisle and threw another one. She turned around giving me daggers. "Seriously?"

"Are you gonna stop me?" I challenged and threw another one, it bounced off her head. I laughed as she blushed. I ran and she chased me, trying to throw the balls back at me. I could hear her laugh as one bounced off the back of my head. I turned around and she was gone. now she was the one hiding from me. I felt a slow grin appear on my face. This is what I wanted, her to have fun.

Walked around cautiously, staying on guard, yet she still got me. The last of the balls hitting my arm. She was out of ammo. I smiled like the devil and she got a slight panicked look on her face.

"Truce Will." I slowly started to walk towards her. "Will?" I shook my head and she ran, when she glanced back I could see she was smiling. We were heading towards the bedding aisle.

I took a short cut coming out as she ran past and softly tackled her onto one of the display beds. We were both laughing breathlessly, her cheeks were pink and our faces were so close together. She looked so beautiful, I brushed a stray hair away from her face, my fingers lingering on her cheek. She was staring into my eyes and it was as if we were the only two people in the world. I wanted to kiss her.

"Excuse me." A voice came from behind us. We both jumped up and turned to see a security guard. "This is a place of business, not a play house. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

We turned laughing and walked out the store. The guard was still looking at us with a frown on his face, this just made us laugh harder.

"Sorry." I said, she looked at my confused.

"For what?" She asked.

"You didn't get any of your shopping done." I replied and she smiled.

"Hmm.. I guess you'll just have to make it up to me." She said teasingly. I thought about it for a minute then got an idea.

"Come with me." I said with a smile, and took her hand, leading her down the street and into a little cafe. "This is one of my favourite places." I told her.

"Wow." She said looking around. It had a cozy feeling to it. There were couches and arm chairs, one side had a stage where they had live music some afternoons and nights. The other side had a coffee bar, there were also books lining one wall. She went right for them, I thought she may like reading, maybe for the same reason as me. Everyone needs an escape every now and then, us more then most.

We approached the coffee bar and sat on the stools. "Hey Kate." I said to one of the regular waitress. She was in her thirties and spoke like the American diner girls you see in the movies.

"Hey Sugar, the usual?" She asked then turned to Tessa. "And who's this? Bringing a girl to meet me?" She said with a wink. Tess ducked her head and blushed.

"We are friends." I said awarkedly. "Tessa, this is Kate, Kate this is my new friend Tessa."

"Are you still hiring?" Tessa asked pointing at a wanted ad.

"Yes, Sweetie. Are you interested?" said Kate.

"Yes, I need a job." Kate turned to me.

"Is she reliable?" she asked.

"Yes." I replied.

"Can I trust her."

"I trust her with my life." I answer seriously. Kate turned to Tessa.

"Well, I know how hard it is to get Will's approval so if he trust you I can." She says with a smirk. "You're hired. Can you come in Monday at noon?"

"Yes, thank-you so much." Tessa says with a suprised smile.

Five minutes later Kate brings over our drinks. We talk with her for an hour, she slips us cake and when I go to pay at the end she says it is on the house.

"Thank-you." Tessa says greatfully as we head back to the car.

"No problem." I say and smile at her.

"No really Will," she says placing a hand softly on my arm. She looks into my eyes. "Thank-you for today."

"Any time." I say back with a soft smile on my face. My heart is racing, but I can't look away. All of a sudden it starts to rain. Well that's London weather for you. I grab her hand and we run to the car laughing.

On the way home the car ride is full of laughter and chatter. I can't help, but feel proud that I turned her day around and I start to think maybe there is more hope that I can rescue her. That's when I realise some of her make-up has come off in the rain revealing a large bruise across her cheek. The guilt hits me so hard that I have to struggle to breathe. She pulls into her driveway and looks at me, the smile falling off her face.

"What?" She whispers. I gently reach up and stroke her cheek.

"How bad is it?" I whisper, leaning in closer to her. She places her hand over mine.

"It's fine." She tries to say, but her voice breaks.

"Tess." I whispered looking deep into her eyes. "It's ok."

A tear rolls down her cheek. "You have to promise not to tell anyone."

"But-"

"Not a soul ok?" She says desperately.

"Fine, but you don't have to hide things from me."

"Same goes for you."

"I-"

"It's ok, I'll keep your secret, but if you need to talk I'm here."

"I can't." I whispered.

"I know," She says with a sad smile, "But I'm still here anyway."

We are so close now I can feel her breath on my lips.

"How can I help?" I ask.

"You can be there for me. I need you, you make me forget all the bad things."

We stare at each other for a moment then she kissing me, or I'm kissing her. Her soft lips move with mine and she taste sweet like vanilla and rain. I want more, more days like this, making her happy, holding her tight in my arms... **But if that happened, she would die! **The voice in my head shouts and I break away from her. We stare at each other in shock.

Then she claps her hand over her mouth. "I'm so sorry!" She says and she bolts from the car. I sit there for a moment then then get out just as she slams the front door.

Not quite knowing what to do with myself or with what just happened, I numbly walk back to the Institute losing hope.


	5. Encountering Demons

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm sorry about the quality. Let me know what you think and what you want to see more of. I hope you enjoy and don't forget to follow me on tumblr: kazziebear**

* * *

**Encountering Demons**

_When you feel my heat,_

_Look into my eyes_,

_It's where my demons hide_,

_It's where my demons hide_,

_Don't get too close,_

_It's dark inside_,

_It's where my demons hide_,

_It's where my demons hide_

~ Demons, Imagine Dragons

**Tessa Gray**

It was now Monday, exactly five days since I last saw him. He is avoiding me, all because I had to be stupid and ruin things. I didn't plan on kissing him. I honestly never pictured myself as that kind of girl, not with what I've been through. It was different with him, he made me feel alive. When we were together I forgot all the bad things, all the pain. But of course that is only temporary until one of us remembers reality. We all have our demons, in my case it is Nate, in his, it is literally a demon. A curse that I fear has now trapped us both. I'm not saying I love him, but I can see how easy it would be.

Even so, we can still be friends can't we? I really do hope so. Maybe that is selfish of me, I could end up making things worse for the both of us. I am still debating this when I walk into the cafe. I feel a little nervous. Not about the work, I've waitressed before, but about Kate. She hired me on Will's recommendation, what if she finds out he isn't speaking to me anymore? Could I be out of a job before I've really started?

"Hey Darl." Kate calls as I approach the bar. "You ready?"

"Yeah." I say with a fake smile plastered on my face. She shows me around and the way they do things there and then lets me have a go at taking orders. I pick it up pretty quickly, I don't want to give her any reason to regret her decision, even if she finds out about Will and I.

"Hey Darl?" Kate said with a worried look on her face.

"Yeah?" I answered nervouusly, thinking what did I do wrong?

"I know it's your first shift, but can you work til' 8? One of my waitress' called in sick and we need help for the dinner rush."

"It's ok, I'll do it." I say with a smile.

"Thank God. You're a life saver."

* * *

It wasn't until my shift was almost over that she asked.

"So, how is Will? I haven't seen him in a few days." She is watching my face.

"Good." I say with a smile, but I can tell she isn't buying it. Instead she suprises me.

"What's that idiot done now?" She asks.

"What?" I reply, obviously suprised.

"Everytime someone gets close to him, he pushes them away." She shakes her head sadly. "Don't worry dear, he does it to me too. I think Jem is the only exception." I ponder this for a moment. He may push everyone but Jem, yet I am the only one who truly knows why.

"It's my fault," I say with a sigh, Kate looks at skeptically. "I kissed him." I said softly. She looked at me in shock.

"Like, kissed him, kissed him?" Right before my eyes she turned into a teenage girl. "How was it? Did he kiss you back? Come sit down." She grabbed my hand and pulled me onto one of the couches. I couldn't help but giggle at her enthusiasm.

I took a deep breath. "It was amazing and at first he kissed me back, but then he suddenly pulled back and I realised what I had done and I ran away and now it has been five days and I feel like he is avoiding me, but I haven't exactly tried to talk to him and I am scared I have ruined our friendship and I don't know what to do." I rushed through it.

"Wow." Kate was silent for a moment. "He kissed you back. I'm sure everything is going to be ok." She says.

We talk for another hour until she has to go back to work. I leave and start the walk home, Nate had banned me from the car. I know from my walk to work it takes forty minutes. I pulled my coat closer to body and shivered in the cool wind. I wish I had my iPod, but Nate smashed it Friday night because I cooked bolognese instead of parmigiana.

I was on a quiet street playing with my shadow. Suddenly there were two. I turned around, but there was nobody there. I started walking again, I still had two shadows and they both looked like mine. I felt as if someone was watching me. I ducked down an alley way to get to the main road even if it added an extra fifteen minutes to my walk.

Again I felt like there was somebody right behind me. I spun around to see a man standing there. I squashed my fear and acted like I wasn't afraid. "What do you want?"

He glanced around then looked surprised, as if I could of been speaking to someone else. He walked closer to me until I was pinned up against the wall. "Well, well. What do we have here?"He grabbed my arm and lifted the sleeve to see the mark on my wrist. "Ah," he said with a twisted smile, "little Shadowhunter." His eyes turned black and it took everything I had not to scream.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I tried to keep my voice strong, but it came out shaky. He sniffed the air around me.

"You really don't." He drawled, his grin growing wider. He lifted his hand and stroked a stray hair off my face. "What am I going to do with you?" He asked, barely containing his excitement. Suddenly he went rigid, a glowing blade sticking out his chest. The blade disappeared and he dropped to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been cut. He started to collapse on himself until there was nothing left. Either I was losing it big time or...

The blue light of the dagger was now in my eyes. I shielded my eyes using arm, the wrist still visable.

"Shadowhunter are you ok?" He asked.

"Will?" I dropped my arm in shock.

"Tessa." He dropped the dagger in surprise.

"I... What?" He was looking at me different and it scared me. The situation was hitting me hard, I gasped trying to keep the sobs in. A few tears fell, rolling down my cheeks. "Oh, Tess." He said softly and pulled me into a tight hug until my breathing calmed, then pulled back to check that I was ok.

"I'm fine." I tell him before he asks.

He nods then scans the area. "Come on." He roughly grabs my hand. "It isn't safe out here." His eyes had gone cold and hard as he hurried us along. My heart sank.

"What was that?" I asked timidly.

"A demon."

I shuddered, "I'd be dead, or worse if you hadn't of come." He stopped abruptly and stared as if it hadn'y crossed his mind until now. His eyes softened a bit and he put his arm around my shoulders drawing me closer. He began to walk again not speaking until we reached the iron gate that read 'London Institute'. The huge castle/church looking building towered over us.

"I wouldn't have let that happen." Will said suddenly breaking me away from my thoughts.

"What?"

"I wouldn't have let anything happen to you." He said with conviction.

"What's a Shadowhunter? He called me that and so did you, why?" I asked unable to keep it in any longer.

"Uh, in simple terms. A demon hunter. A race of humans with angel blood. We wear runes, these tattoo looking symbols to help protect us among other things. It is a tell tale sign that someone is a Shadowhunter." He lifted his sleeve to reveal the same mark as mine on his wrist.

"Oh."

"I'll teach you sometime, but if you have demons after you, you should probably learn to fight."

"Me? Fight?"

"Yes, come text me when you are free and I'll organise it."

"I don't even have your number."

He sighed impatiently. "Give me your phone." I pulled my phone out and he raised one eyebrow. (Damn him first of all, because no matter how hard I try I can never do that.) "This is your phone?"

"Shut-up." I reply. Ok, I know my phone is old, but it is perfectly fine.

"It's a black and white Nokia!"

"And!" Nobody insults my phone!

"Does it have snake?" He asked.

"Of course."

"I bet you I could beat your to score." He says challagingly.

"Pfft, I doubt it! I spend 24/7 on there." He laughed and it made me smile. He hands back my phone then gets serious.

"Can I see the mark?"

I pull my arm back self conciously. "Do you have to?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "Yes." And he grabs my arm and lifts my sleeve, then gasped. Lines across my wrist moving upwards, red, angry cuts. "Tess." He whispers. "Why?" He asked, his voice cracking.

"I don't know, I can't help it."

"Please stop." His eyes were pleading and I could see the pain underneath.

"I need you, please. I can't be alone anymore." My voice broke.

He reached up and stroked my cheek. "I promise you won't." I start to smile until his eyes turn hard, he drops his hand. "But it can't be me." He says coldly.

And with that he walked through the iron gates leaving me alone in the street.

_Promise already broken_


	6. Finding Answers and Keeping Secrets

Finding** Answers and Keeping Secrets**

_'Cause I'm broken, when I'm open,_

_And I don't feel like, I am strong enough,_

_'Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome,_

_And I don't feel right, when you're gone away,_

~ Broken, by Seether ft. Amy Lee

**Tessa Gray**

I woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. There was an empty ache in my chest and it took me a moment to remember what had happened the night before.

Nate had naturally taken advantage of the fact I was home late with out letting him know before hand, but it didn't matter by that point. I was already numb. When Will walked away he took a part of me with him. Tore it away might be a better way to explain it, like an essential part of me waas missing. Now I know this sounds melodramatic, but it is really how I felt. I stumbled my way to the bathroom and got in the shower grabbing my trusty blade.

It had become something of an addiction and I couldn't stop. It helped numb the ain building inside. I made sure to only do my left wrist because sooner or later some one of authority in the Shodaowhunter community would wan to take a look at my mark and I don't want unnecessary questions or attention.

When I was done I made sure to cover my arms. I looked in the mirror. I knew why Will was doing this and in return I had to be strong, to make it easier for the both of us. I will have to treat him with indifference, as somebody I barely know.

The thought hurt but it had to be done. I could be strong, I have to.

With that I grabbed my belongings and left a note for Nate before leaving for work. I was doing day shifts until school started back up.

Work was busy and over before I knew it. Kate and I barely got to talk which was a relief. I didn't want to talk about Will and I had a feeling she would ask.

"Bye Kate!" I yelled as I was walking out, I wasn't paying attention and literally walked into him. I looked up to apologise and froze. Even though we had only met once it couldn't be a coincidence. "Hi, Jem."

He smiled at me, "Tessa, just the girl I was looking for."

"Will isn't here." I said trying to sound normal.

"I'm not here for him, I'm here for you."

I looked at him puzzled, "Why?"

"I want to be friends, and I thought you might like a tour of London. Will mentioned you haven't seen the sights yet."

Well that made sense. "So you're here because Will asked you to."

"No.." His smile dropped, "Well in a way yes, but -"

"Tell William that I don't need anyone." I say and go to walk off.

"Tessa wait!" Jem called and hurried to catch up with me.

"No!" I replied without looking back.

"Tessa." He grabbed my arm and I froze, trying not to let any fear show on my face. "Look, I don't know what's happened between the two of you, but I do know how he is. And he is a good guy really, he just has concrete walls."

"I know that." I looked into his eyes. "Please just tell him to forget about last night. The promise no longer matters."

"While Will did ask me to look out for you he didn't need to, it just gave me a reason to talk to you. I've wanted to be friends since we met, please believe me." I could see the truth in his eyes.

"Ok." He smiled at me.

"So.. Tour of London?" I smiled back.

"Lead the way."

* * *

After visiting Buckingham Palace and Westminster Abbey we grabbed some dinner, it was dark now.

"So how are you enjoying London so far?" Jem asked.

"It's beautiful, and very wet." I replied and we both laughed.

"It takes a while, but trust me, you get used to it." I couldn't thinking what a nice smile he had. "So, what was your favourite place today?"

"Defiantly the poets corner."

"Ah, you into poetry?"

"Yes and I love to read."

"Just like William."

"Really?" Jem nodded in reply.

"I know how he can be, but I also know he has been better since you came. He might not show it, but he has."

"I know he has his reasons I just wish he didn't push me away so much."

"He can be so infuriating sometimes." He said with a knowing smile.

"How do you cope?"

"I go to my favorite place in London," said Jem, "and I stand and look at the water, and I think about the continuity of life, and how the river rolls on, oblivious of the petty upsets in our lives."

I was fascinated. "Does that work?"

"Not really, but after that I think about how I could kill him while he slept if I really wanted to, and then I feel better."

I giggled. "So where is it, then?

This favorite place of yours?"

For a moment Jem looked pensive. Then he bounded to his feet, and held out the hand that did not clasp the cane. "Come along, and I'll show you."

"Is it far?"

"Not at all." He smiled. He had a lovely smile, I thought and a contagious one. I couldn't help smiling back, for what felt like the first time in ages.

I let myself be pulled to my feet. Jem's hand was warm and strong, surprisingly reassuring.

Jem talked as they went, not saying much of import but keeping up a soothing chatter, telling me what he had thought of London when he had first come here, how everything had seemed to him a uniform shade of gray, even the people! He had been unable to believe it could rain so much in one place, and so unceasingly. The damp had seemed to come up from the floors and into his bones, so that he'd thought he would eventually sprout mold, in the manner of a tree. "You do get used to it," he said as we came out from the narrow passage and into the broadness of Fleet Street. "Even if sometimes you feel as if you ought to be able to be wrung out like a washrag."

I was enjoying just listening to Jem talk. This was the oldest part of the city, he told me, where London had been born. The shops that lined the street were closed, their blinds drawn, but advertisements still blared from every surface, advertisements for everything from Pears soap to hair tonic to announcements urging people to attend a lecture on spiritualism. As I walked, I caught glimpses of the spires of the Institute between the buildings, and couldn't help but wonder if anyone else could see them. I remembered the parrot woman with the green skin and feathers I saw in New York, before Nate made me take the pills. Was the Institute really hidden in plain sight? Curiosity getting the better of me, I asked Jem.

"Let me show you something," he said. "Stop here." He took me by the elbow and turned me so that I was facing across the street. He pointed. "What do you see there?" I

I squinted across the street; we were near the intersection of Fleet Street and Chancery Lane. There seemed nothing remarkable about where we stood. "The front of a bank. What else is there to see?"

"Now let your mind wander a bit," he said, still in the same soft voice. "Look at something else, the way you might avoid looking directly at a cat so as not to frighten it. Glance at the bank again, out of the corner of your eye. Now look at it, directly, and very fast!"

I did as directed and stared. The bank was gone; in its place was a half- timbered tavern, with great diamond-paned windows. The light within the windows was tinted with a reddish glow, and through the open front door more red light poured out onto the pavement. Through the glass dark shadows moved not the familiar shadows of men and women, but shapes too tall and thin, too oddly elongated or many limbed to be human. Bursts of laughter interrupted a high, sweet, thin music, haunting and seductive. A sign hanging over the door showed a man reaching to tweak the nose of a horned demon. Lettered below the image were the words the devil tavern.

I looked toward Jem. He was staring at the tavern, his hand light on my arm, his breathing slow and soft. I could see the red light of the pub reflected in his silvery eyes like sunset on water. "Is this your favourite place?" I asked.

The intensity went out of his gaze; he looked at me, and laughed. "Lord, no," he said. "Just something I wanted you to see. Will told me you have the sight, and you obviously have some type of gift."

Someone came out the tavern door then, a man in a long black overcoat, an elegant watered silk hat placed firmly on his head. As he glanced up the street, I saw that his skin was an inky dark blue, his hair and beard as white as ice, like a dark smurf, only tall. He moved east toward the Strand as I watched, wondering if he would attracted curious stares, but his passage was no more noted by passersby than that of a ghost would be. In fact, the mundanes who passed in front of the Devil Tavern seemed barely to notice it at all, even when several spindly, chittering figures exited and nearly knocked over a tired-looking man wheeling an empty cart. He paused to look around for a moment, puzzled, then shrugged and went on.

"There was a very ordinary tavern there once," said Jem. "As it grew more and more infested with Downworlders, the Nephilim became concerned about the intertwining of the Shadow World with the mundane world. They barred mundanes from the place by the simple expedient of using a glamour to convince them that the tavern had been knocked down and a bank erected in its place. The Devil is a nearly exclusively Downworlder haunt now." Jem glanced up at the moon, a frown crossing his face. "It's getting late. We'd better move on."

After a single glance back at the Devil, I moved after Jem, who continued to chat easily as we went, pointing out things of interest, the Temple Church, where the law courts were now, and where once the Knights Templar had sustained pilgrims on their route to the Holy Land. "They were friends of the Nephilim, the knights. Mundanes, but not without their own knowledge of the Shadow World. And of course," he added, as they came out from the network of streets and onto Blackfriars Bridge itself, "many think that the Silent Brothers are the original Black Friars, though no one can prove it. This is it," he added, gesturing before him. "My favourite place in London."

Looking out over the bridge, I couldn't help but wonder what Jem liked so much about the place. It stretched from one bank of the Thames to the other, a low granite bridge with multiple arches, the parapets painted dark red and gilded with gold and scarlet paint that gleamed in the moonlight. It would have been pretty if it hadn't been for the railway bridge that ran along the east side of it, silent in the shadows but still an ugly latticework of iron railings stretching away to the river's opposite bank.

"I know what you're thinking," Jem said, "The railway bridge, it's hideous. But it means people rarely come here to admire the view. I enjoy the solitude, and just the look of the river, silent under the moon."

They walked to the center of the bridge, where I leaned against a granite parapet and looked down. The Thames was black in the moonlight. The expanse of London stretched away on either bank, the great dome of St. Paul's looming up behind them like a white ghost, and everything shrouded in the softening fog that laid a gently blurring veil over the harsh lines of the city.

I glanced down at the river. The smell of salt and dirt and rot came off the water, mixing with the fog. Still there was something portentous about London's river, as if it carried the weight of the past in its currents. A bit of old poetry came into my head. " `Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song ,'" I said, half under my breath. Normally I would never have quoted poetry aloud in front of anyone, but there was something about Jem that made me feel that whatever I did, he wouldn't pass judgment on me.

"I've heard that bit of rhyme before," was all he said. "Will's quoted it at me. What is it? "

"Spenser. `Prothalamion.'" I frowned. "Will does seem to have an odd affinity for poetry for someone so ... so ..."

"Will reads constantly, and has an excellent memory," said Jem. "There is very little he does not remember." There was something in his voice that lent weight to his assertion beyond the mere statement of fact.

"You like Will, don't you?" I said. "I mean, you're fond of him."

"I love him as if he were my brother," said Jem matter-of-factly.

"In a way I understand him, I do. But there are times when I wonder."

"He goes out almost every night and comes home with some story of how he got drunk or how he got laid."

"And you don't think it's true?"

I used to wonder how anyone could drink as much as he claimed and survive, much less fight as well as he does. So one night I followed him."

"You followed him?"

Jem grinned crookedly. "Yes. He went out, claiming an assignation or some such, and I followed him. If I'd known what to expect, I would have worn sturdier shoes. All night he walked through the city, from St. Paul's to Spitalfields Market to Whitechapel High Street. He went down to the river and wandered about the docks. Never did he stop to speak to a single soul. It was like following a ghost. The next morning he was ready with some ribald tale of false adventures, and I never demanded the truth. If he wishes to lie to me, then he must have a reason."

"He lies to you, and yet you trust him?" I asked curiously.

"Yes." Jem said. "I trust him."

"But-"

"He lies consistently. He always invents the story that will make him look the worst."

"Then, has he told you what happened to his parents? Either the truth or lies?"

"Not entirely. Bits and pieces," Jem said after a long pause. "I know that his father left the Nephilim. Before Will was ever born. He fell in love with a mundane girl, and when the Council refused to make her a Shadowhunter, he left the Clave and moved with her to a very remote part of Wales, where they thought they wouldn't be interfered with. The Clave was furious."

"Will's mother was a mundane? You mean he is only half a Shadowhunter?"

"Nephilim blood is dominant," said Jem. "That's why there are three rules for those who leave the Clave. First, you must sever contact with any and all Shadowhunters you have ever known, even your own family. They can never speak to you again, nor can you speak to them. Second, you cannot call upon the Clave for help, no matter what your danger. And the third ..."

"What's the third?"

"Even should you leave the Clave," said Jem, "they can still lay claim to your children."

A little shiver went through me. Jem was still staring out at the river, as if he could see Will in its silvered surface. "Every six years," he said, "until the child is eighteen, a representative of the Clave comes to your family and asks the child if they would like to leave their family and join the Nephilim."

"I can't imagine anyone would," I said, appalled. "I mean, you'd never be able to speak to your family again, would you?"

Jem shook his head.

"And Will agreed to that? He joined the Shadowhunters?"

"He refused. Twice, he refused. Then, one day, Will was twelve or so, there was a knock on the Institute door and Charlotte answered it. She would have been eighteen then, I think. Will was standing there on the steps. She told me he was covered in road dust and dirt as if he'd been sleeping in hedgerows. He said, `I am a Shadowhunter. One of you. You have to let me in. I have nowhere else to go.'"

"Did they come looking for him?" I asked quietly knowing why he left. I remembered young Will walking down a long road, all on his own.

"They did," Jem said quietly. "A few weeks after Will arrived, Charlotte told me, his parents followed. They came to the front door of the Institute and banged on it, calling for him. Charlotte went into Will's room to ask him if he wanted to see them. He had crawled under the bed and had his hands over his ears. He wouldn't come out, no matter what she did, and he wouldn't see them. I think Charlotte finally went down and sent them away, or they left of their own accord, I'm not sure -"

"But didn't they have rights, I mean legally, he is their child." I know why he left but being so young..

"They had no right." Jem spoke gently enough, I thought, but there was something in his tone that put him as far away from me as the moon. "Will chose to join the Shadowhunters. Once he made that choice, they had no more claim on him. It was the right and responsibility of the Clave to turn them away."

"And you've never asked him why?"

"If he wanted me to know, he'd tell me," Jem said. "You asked why I think he tolerates me better than other people. I'd imagine it's precisely because I've never asked him why." He smiled at me, wryly. The cold air had whipped color into his cheeks, and his eyes were bright. Their hands were close to each other's on the parapet. For a brief, half-confused moment I thought that he might be about to put his hand over hers, but his gaze slid past her and he frowned. "Bit late for a walk, isn't it?"

Following his gaze, I saw the shadowy figures of a man and a woman coming toward them across the bridge. The man wore a workman's felt hat and a dark woolen coat; the woman had her hand on his arm, her face inclined toward his. "They probably think the same thing about us," I said. She looked up into Jem's eyes. "And you, did you come to the Institute because you had nowhere else to go? Why didn't you stay in Shanghai?"

"My parents ran the Institute there," said Jem, "but they were murdered by a demon. He-it-was called Yanluo." His voice was very calm. "After they died, everyone thought that the safest thing for me would be to leave the country, in case the demon or its cohorts came after me as well."

"But why here, why England?"

"My father was British. I spoke English. It seemed reasonable." Jem's tone was as calm as ever, but I sensed there was something he wasn't telling me. "I thought I would feel more at home here than I would in Idris, where neither of my parents had ever been."

Across the bridge from them the strolling couple had paused at a parapet; the man seemed to be pointing out features of the railway bridge, the woman nodding as he spoke. They looked a little out of place, liked they had just stepped out of the pages of a Victorian novel. "And did you, feel more at home, that is?"

"Not precisely," Jem said. "Almost the first thing I realized when I came here was that my father never thought of himself as British, not the way an Englishman would. Real Englishmen are British first, and gentlemen second. Whatever else it is they might be, a doctor, a magistrate or landowner, comes third. For Shadowhunters it's different. We are Nephilim, first and foremost, and only after that do we make a nod to whatever country we might have been born and bred in. And as for third, there is no third. We are only ever Shadowhunters. When other Nephilim look at me, they see only a Shadowhunter. Not like mundanes, who look at me and see a boy who is not entirely foreign but not quite like them either."

"Half one thing and half another," I said. "Like me. But you know you're human. Who knows what I am."

Jem's expression softened. "You are human. In all the ways that matter." I had the sudden urge to show him my mark, but I didn't want to risk the questions.

I felt the backs of her eyes sting. I glanced up and saw that the moon had passed behind a cloud, giving it a pearlescent luster. "I suppose we should go back. My brother must be worried."

Jem moved to offer me his arm, and paused. The strolling couple Jem had noted before were suddenly in front of us, blocking our way. Though they must have moved very swiftly to reach the far side of the bridge so fast, they stood eerily still now, their arms linked. The woman's face was concealed in the shadow of a plain bonnet, the man's hidden beneath the brim of his felt hat.

Jem's hand tightened on my arm, but his voice was neutral when he spoke. "Good evening. Is there something we can help you with?"

Neither of them spoke, but they moved a step closer, the woman's skirt rustling in the wind. I looked around, but there was no one else on the bridge, no one visible at either embankment. London seemed utterly deserted under the blurring moon.

"Pardon me," Jem said. "I'd appreciate it if you'd let me and my friend go by." He took a step forward, and I followed. We were close enough now to the silent couple that when the moon came out and hit their faces I gasped. There was something unnatural about their faces, something that made me fill with terror and dread.

"Who are you?" he demanded. "Why are you following us?"

"The Magister has directed us to follow you," the coachman said. "You are Nephilim. You are responsible for the destruction of his home, the destruction of his people, the Children of the Night. We are here to deliver a declaration of war. And we are here for the girl." He turned his eyes to me. "She is the property of the Magister, and he will have her."

"I'm sorry, but what? I am nobody's property!"_ **Except Nate's**_Said a cruel voice in the back of my head.

"The Magister," said Jem, his eyes very silver in the moonlight. "Do you mean de Quincey?"

"Who?" I asked

"A Vampire, he was the former leader of the clan before we discovered him involved in illegal activity. We did a raid on his house but he escaped."

"The name you give him does not matter. He is the Magister. He has told us to deliver a message. That message is war."

Jem's hand tightened on the head of his cane. "You serve de Quincey but are not vampires. What are you?"

The woman standing beside the man made a strange sighing noise, like the high whistle of a train. "Beware, Nephilim. As you slay others, so shall you be slain. Your angel cannot protect you against that which neither God nor the Devil has made."

I began to turn toward Jem, but he was already in motion. His hand swung up, the jade-headed cane in it. There was a flash. A wickedly sharp and shimmering blade shot from the end of the cane. With a swift turn of his body, Jem plunged the blade forward and slashed it into the coachman's chest. The man staggered back, a high whirring sound of surprise issuing from his throat.

I drew in her breath. A long slash across the coachman's shirt gaped open, and beneath it was visible neither flesh nor blood but shining metal, raggedly scored by Jem's blade. Jem drew his blade back, letting out a breath, satisfaction mixed with relief. "I knew it-"

The man snarled. His hand darted into his coat and withdrew a long serrated knife, the kind butchers used to cut through bone, while the woman, snapping into action, moved toward me, her ungloved hands outstretched. Their movements were jerky, uneven, but very, very fast, much faster than I would have guessed they could move. The man's companion advanced on me, her face expressionless, her mouth half-open. Something metallic gleamed inside it-metal, or copper. She has no gullet, and I would guess, no stomach. Her mouth ends in a sheet of metal behind her teeth.

I retreated until my back hit the parapet. I looked for Jem, but the man was advancing on him again. Jem slashed away at him with the blade, but it seemed only to slow the man down. The coachman's coat and shirt hung away from his body now in ragged strips, clearly showing the metal carapace beneath.

The woman grabbed for me, as darted aside. The woman lumbered forward and crashed into the parapet. She seemed to feel no more pain than the man did; she drew herself stiffly upright and turned to move toward me again. The impact seemed to have damaged her left arm, though, for it hung bent at her side. She swung toward me with her right arm, fingers grasping, and seized me by the wrist. Her grip was tight enough to make me scream as the small bones in my wrist flared with pain. I clawed at the hand that held me, my fingers sinking deep into slick, soft skin. It peeled away like the skin of a fruit, my nails scraping against the metal beneath with a harshness that sent shivers up my spine.

I tried to jerk my hand back, but I only succeeded in pulling the woman toward me; she was making a whirring, clicking noise in her throat that sounded unpleasantly insectile, and up close her eyes were pupil-less and black like the demons. I pulled her foot back to kick out-

And there was the sudden clang of metal on metal; Jem's blade flashed down with a clean slice, cutting the woman's arm in half at the elbow. I, being released, fell back, the bodiless hand falling from my wrist, striking the ground at my feet; the woman was jerking around toward Jem, whir-click , whir-click. He moved forward, striking at the woman hard with the flat of the cane, knocking her back a step, and then another and another until she hit the railing of the bridge so hard that she overbalanced. Without a cry she fell, plunging toward the water below; I raced to the railing just in time to see her slip beneath the surface. No bubbles rose to show where she had vanished.

I spun back around. Jem was clutching his cane, breathing hard. Blood ran down the side of his face from a cut, but he seemed otherwise unharmed. He held his weapon loosely in one hand as he gazed at a dark humped shape on the ground at his feet, a shape that moved and jerked, flashes of metal showing between the ribbons of its torn clothing. When I moved closer I saw that it was the body of the man, writhing and jerking. His head had been sliced cleanly away, and a dark oily substance pumped from the stump of his neck, staining the ground.

Jem reached up to push his sweat-dampened hair back, smearing the blood across his cheek. His hand shook. Hesitantly I touched his arm. "Are you all right?"

His smile was faint. "I should be asking you that." He shuddered slightly. "Those mechanical things, they unnerve me. They-" He broke off, staring past me.

At the south end of the bridge, moving toward them with sharp staccato motions, were at least a half dozen more of the creatures. Despite the jerkiness of their movements, they were approaching swiftly, almost hurtling forward. They were already a third of the way across the bridge.

With a sharp click the blade vanished back into Jem's cane. He seized my hand, his voice breathless. "Run."

We ran, me clutching his hand, I glanced behind only once, in terror. The creatures had made it to the center of the bridge and were moving toward them, gathering speed. They were male, I saw, dressed in the same kind of dark woolen coats and felt hats as the the first man had been. Their faces gleamed in the moonlight.

Jem and I reached the steps at the end of the bridge, and Jem kept a tight grip on my hand as we hurtled down the stairs. My boots slipped on the damp stone, and he caught me, his cane clattering awkwardly against my back; I felt his chest rise and fall against mine, hard, as if he were gasping. But he couldn't be out of breath, could he? He was a Shadowhunter. Jem pulled away, and I saw that his face was tight, as if he were in pain. I wanted to ask him if he'd been hurt, but there was no time. We could hear clattering footsteps on the stairs above us. Without a word Jem took hold of my wrist again and pulled her after him.

We passed the Embankment, lit by the glow of its dolphin lamps, before Jem turned aside and plunged between two buildings into a narrow alley. The alley sloped up, away from the river. The air between the buildings was dank and close, the cobblestones slick with filth. Washing flapped like ghosts from windows overhead. My feet were screaming in their boots, my heart slamming against my chest, but there was no slowing down. I could hear the creatures behind them, hear the whir-click of their movements, closer and closer.

The alley opened out into a wide street, and there, rising up before them, was the looming edifice of the Institute. They dashed through the entrance, Jem releasing me as he whirled to slam and lock the gates behind them. The creatures reached them just as the bolts slid home; they crashed against the gate like windup toys unable to stop themselves, rattling the iron with a tremendous crash.

I backed up, staring. The clockwork creatures were pressed up against the gates, their hands reaching through the gaps in the iron. I looked around wildly. Jem stood beside me. He was as white as paper, one hand pressed to his side. I reached for his hand, but he stepped back, out of my reach. "Tessa." His voice was uneven. "Get into the Institute. You need to get inside."

"Are you hurt? Jem, are you injured?" "No." His voice was muffled.

A rattle from the gate made me look up. One of the clockwork men had his hand through a gap in the gate and was pulling at the iron chain that held it closed. As I stared in fascinated horror, I saw that he was dragging at the loops of metal with such force that the skin was peeling away from his fingers, showing the jointed metal hands beneath. There was obviously tremendous strength in those hands. The metal was warping and twisting in his grip; it was clearly a matter of minutes before the chain split and broke.

I seized hold of Jem's arm. His skin was burning hot to the touch; I could feel it through his clothes. "Come on."

With a groan he let me pull him toward the front door of the church; he was staggering, and leaning on me heavily, his breath rattling in his chest. We lurched up the stairs, Jem sliding out of my grip almost the moment we reached the top step. He hit the ground on his knees, choking coughs ripping through him, his whole body spasming.

The gate burst open. The clockwork creatures spilled through into the drive, led by the one who had torn the chain apart, his skin-stripped hands gleaming in the moonlight.

Looking around for help I noticed a bell pull, reaching up I yanked it, hard, but heard no sound. Desperate, I whirled back to Jem, still crouched on the ground. "Jem! Jem, please, you have to open the door-"

He raised his head. His eyes were open, but there was no color to them. They were all white, like marbles. I could see the moon reflected in them.

"Jem!"

He tried to rise to his feet, but his knees gave out; he slumped to the ground, blood running from the corners of his mouth. The cane had rolled from his hand, almost to my feet.

The creatures had reached the foot of the steps; they began to surge upward, lurching a little, the one with the skinned hands in the lead. I flung herself against the doors of the Institute, pounding my fists against the oak. I could hear the hollow reverberations of my blows echoing on the other side, and despaired. The Institute was so huge, and there was no time.

At last I gave up. Turning away from the door, I was horrified to see that the leader of the creatures had reached Jem; it was bending over him, its skinned metal hands on his chest.

With a cry I seized up Jem's cane and brandished it. "Get away from him!" I cried.

The creature straightened up, and in the moonlight, for the first time, I saw its face clearly. It was smooth, almost featureless, only indentations where the eyes and mouth should have been, and no nose. It raised its skinned hands; they were stained dark with Jem's blood. Jem himself lay very still, his shirt torn, blood pooling blackly around him.

As I stared in horror, the clockwork man wiggled his bloody fingers at me, in a sort of grotesque parody of a wave, then turned and sprang away down the steps, almost scuttling, like a spider. He dashed through the gates and was lost to view.

I moved toward Jem, but the other automatons moved swiftly to block my way. They were all as blank-faced as their leader, a matching set of faceless warriors, as if there had not quite been time to finish them.

With a whir-click a pair of metal hands reached for me, and I swung the cane, almost blindly. It connected with the side of a clockwork man's head. I felt the impact of wood against metal ringing up my arm, and he staggered to the side, but only for a moment. His head whipped back around with incredible speed. I swung again, the cane slamming against his shoulder this time; he lurched, but other hands flashed out, seizing the cane, yanking it from my grasp with such force that the skin of my hand burned. The automaton who had snatched the cane from me brought it down across his knee with stunning force.

It snapped in half with an awful sound. I whirled to run, but metal hands clamped down on my shoulders, yanking me back. I struggled to pull free-

And the doors of the Institute burst open. The light that poured from them blinded me momentarily, and I could see nothing but the outline of dark figures, ringed in light, spilling from the church's interior. Something whistled by my head, grazing my cheek. There was the grinding sound of metal on metal, and then the clockwork creature's arms relaxed and I fell forward onto the steps, choking.

I looked up. A woman stood above me, her face pale and set, a sharp metal disc in one hand. Another, matching, disc was buried in the chest of the mechanical man who had held her. He was twisting and spasming in a circle, like a malfunctioning toy. Blue sparks flew from the gash in his neck.

Around him the rest of the creatures were spinning and lurching as the Shadowhunters converged on them, a man with red hair bringing his seraph blade down in an arc, slicing open the chest of one of the automatons, sending it reeling and jerking into the shadows. Beside him was Will, swinging what looked like a sort of scythe, over and over, chopping another of the creatures to bits with such fury that it sent up a fountain of blue sparks. The woman, darting down the steps, threw the second of her disks; it sheared through the head of a metal monster with a sickening noise. He crumpled to the ground, leaking more sparks and black oil.

The remaining two creatures, seeming to think better of the situation, turned and sprang toward the gates. The man darted after them with the woman on his heels, but Will, dropping his weapon, turned and raced back toward the steps. "What happened?" he shouted at me. I stared, too dazed to answer. His voice rose, tinged with furious panic. "Are you hurt? Where's Jem?"

"I'm not hurt," I whispered. "But Jem, he collapsed. There." I pointed to where Jem lay, crumpled in the shadows beside the door.

Will's face went blank, like a slate wiped clean of chalk. Without looking at me again he raced up the stairs and dropped down by Jem, saying something in a low voice. When there was no reply, Will raised his head, shouting for someone named Thomas to come help him carry Jem, and shouting something else, something I couldn't make out through her dizziness. Perhaps he was shouting at me. Perhaps he thought this was all my fault? If I hadn't been so desperate and needy he never would of promised.

A dark shadow loomed in the lit doorway. It was, I assume, Thomas, tousled-haired and serious, who went without a word to kneel down by Will. Together they lifted Jem to his feet, an arm slung around each of their shoulders. They hurried inside without a backward glance.

Dazed, I looked out over the courtyard. Something was strange, different. It was the sudden silence after all the clamor and noise. The destroyed clockwork creatures lay in shattered pieces about the courtyard, the ground was slick with viscous fluid, the gates hung open, and the moon shone blankly down on everything just as it had shone down on me and Jem on the bridge, when he had told me that I was human.

Giving in to the dizziness, I laid on the steps and drifted into the darkness.

* * *

**A/N:** First of all thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and review, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. Second I hope you liked this chapter, I know I cheated a bit, but I thought it was important for some Jessa bonding time, let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I'm sure this will come as a shock to you, but I must confess I do not own the characters, fantasy world and most plot points.


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